I came across this essay on the Wall Street Journal, which is the first I’ve seen that articulates what I’ve been trying to convey to my husband for quite some time.
My day is back-to-back appointments that we are running late for. There is no, “I’m too tired today,” or “I’m sick today,” or “It’s too cold outside.” Knowing I have to keep moving, and keep moving extremely fast, with no break in sight for the next 15 or so years, seems like a race I can’t possibly finish.
My husband is amazing. He works very hard, and helps me more than he even should. While I don’t truly believe he doesn’t do his share, I can still relate to the feelings that maybe he doesn’t.
It seems, there is far more to do around the house, just to keep the children alive, than two people can possibly accomplish. I am running 167mph without stopping to eat, or go to the bathroom, or shower. Then I see all that isn’t getting done, and it’s easy to think, “He must not be doing much.” But he IS!
Sometimes, I just want him to hear what I have on my plate, or how I’m struggling with it, and his response is typically, “Yeah, me too.” Drives me up the wall! I know he works hard. Probably harder than I do. But he doesn’t actually know what I take care of and am responsible for, so how can he say, “Yeah, me too”? Ugh!
We both just want acknowledgement that we don’t know what the other does or feels, but we appreciate it. And can’t live without it! We just need to acknowledge the difference, and agree not to compare.