I’ve noticed that with the house a mess, I feel defeated in ever getting the dishes and laundry clean. It is so futile. But I carry a heavy weight on my shoulders of being “busy” even though I’m not attempting to tackle it. I busy myself with other things, to escape the overwhelming chores and the drama of my children’s behavior. I come across a sale on kids’ clothes online, and I shop. I see an article on parenting, and I read. I really need to just give in and play with my kids.
I tend to play more when Daddy gets home. I guess I figure he can share the burden of chores and drama, and therefore I can have a little fun, guilt-free. Except, I’m guilty of not helping with the chores. Hmm. Anyway, recently, I played hide and seek with the kids, and realized I’d never done it before. I’d seen them play with other people so much I figured I’d played too. But I hadn’t. And it hurts to realize and admit it. In my lame defense, it’s hard to play with the big boys without ignoring the baby. But I had so much fun! And they did too!
I think my frustration in playing with the big boys has been that when I have time to play, they usually say they don’t know what to play, or they don’t want to right now, etc. So, I kinda stopped asking. I was happy to have my four-year-old ask me to play this time. I loved searching for them, and opening a closet door and seeing two little faces grinning up at me. I always found them together. It was so sweet.
As different as my two big boys are, and as much as they fight, they really are bonding more than I expected. They fight so harshly, I fear they will eventually give up on each other, or stop forgiving each other. But when they aren’t fighting, they love each other immensely. They keep a very tender spot for each other, that doesn’t seem to callus at all.
I vow to play more, and reap the benefits of the good times. It’ll help me survive the bad times. I hope.